佛陀：Shut up, let go, meditate
阿难：Buddha said we can loosen up
部派：What is mind?
般若中观：Your mind and the world are empty
瑜伽唯识：Your mind and the world are not empty, in fact the world is your mind
如来藏派：Your mind is both empty and not empty, in fact the world is your mind, so
the world is both empty and not empty too
中观应成派：Fuck the world, sky, earth, space, everything！
菩萨道：Sorry I can't hear you, busy with bitches!
净土：Shut up, chant Buddha's name, bye bye cruel world and Samsara
华严：The world is bigger than the world itself, but I don't even know what am I
天台：The world is empty, fake, and neither empty nor fake, so lets meditate
禅宗：The world has nothing to do with you, so shut the fuck up, either meditate
quietly or ask where the fuck were you before you were born
北宗：Clean the shit on the mirror
南宗：There's no shit or mirror
临济：Just ask some unanswerable question, whether you do or not I'll still whoop
律宗：You guys just broke rule number 10.34, so according to rule number 112.45,
you all are banned from the Sangha
唯识，三论， 俱舍，成实 ，地论，摄论，涅磐：Does anybody remember us?
东密：Chant Buddha's name, visualize Buddha's image, joint your finger together
until they're knotted, TADA! You're Buddha now, no, you're always Buddha
宁玛：Great Perfection, Great Eye, Great Rest
噶举：Great Hand Seal, Great Fire, Great Sleep, Great Light, Great Illusion, Great
Bardo, Great Dying Time
萨迦：You're Buddha from the beginning, in the middle, till the end
格鲁：Rules are not meant to be broken, lets do everything step by step
觉囊：Somebody help me!
事部：I'm chanting while having shower
行部：Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong
瑜伽部：So many stuff to memorize, arhhhh!
无上瑜伽部：I'm so happy but I still feel empty
马哈希：Vipassana is enough
帕奥：Samantha is important too
葛印卡：Sit and get electrified!
阿姜曼：Naughty some more? I'll whoop your ass！
阿姜查：I'm Ajahn Chah, but there is no Ajahn Chah, and I'll whoop your ass too
阿姜苏美多：Oh shit, Oh yes
阿姜布拉姆：Jhana is king
曾银湖：Follow the oldest tradition, no wait, we've lost the tradition, there's no
达摩悟陀：Follow 4 Major Nikaya+ 6/18 Khuddaka Nikaya + Vinaya, Abhidhamma
and Visuddhimagga sucks!
月溪：So many suckers up there
南怀瑾：You are the biggest sucker!
净空：Did I say 2012 is the end of the world? I mean yes but no!
印顺：Guys learn some history
证严：Sorry teacher! I think I'm only good in doing good
圣严：I got A+ in history, yeah!
萧平实：You all are suckers, 圣严 are faker, 印顺 go to hell! Wait a minute, how to
say "go to hell" in Tibetan?
卢胜彦：I'm the true Buddha!
Vishnu：No! I'm Buddha's real identity
佛陀：How can I be blue when I'm good at meditation? You Liar!
卢胜彦：Then I'm the true Buddha!
佛陀： I'm not a moron either